Saturday Stress or sometimes a boy just needs his mama

And sometimes his mama just needs a break, a rest, a nap. Times when his mama just needs to get away from said boy and take some time for herself.

Ben was scratching his chest tonight. I don't think it was allergy related. But it may have been stress. I was gone most of the day, and he seemed to miss me. His sleep schedule seemed to be disrupted because he took a nap later than usual, and he woke up cranky and hungry.

I gave him a bath, as usual, only not usual because the last few nights I had been bathing him purified water. Our water went out Wednesday morning, and there was a boil water advisory for 48 hours, and I didn't want to use possibly contaminated water to bathe him. So I used slightly colder purified water. He didn't like that at all.

Tonight, it was back to regular water, but he still didn't want to be in the bath. He kept trying to get out. I told him no when he grabbed my glasses, and he got upset and started scratching his bare chest. I don't think it was allergies, just stress. On night like this, I'd like to scratch something too.

Rush and Rush Until Life's No Fun

When I think about this past week, the lyrics from the Alabama song come to mind:


I'm in a hurry to get things done
Oh I rush and rush until life's no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But I'm in a hurry and don't know why.

Jamie's been gone, I've been trying to get my work done, and things have been chaotic.

Ben's eczema flareups have come and gone and come again. He gets dry patches. He gets red patches, but, at least, he's mostly not itching.

We use his prescription shampoo and Cerave cleanser to bathe him daily. We use his steroid cream in the morning on days he needs it. Two or three times a day we use Epicream, a prescription cream, and the rest of the day, it's Cerave with every diaper change. We vacuum his room daily, bathe him daily, try to get the food that he smears off of his face off.

Things have been so hectic. One night just flows into the next. All of this has made me appreciate having Jamie's help. Usually, he stays up with Ben at night and vacuums the rooms and helps (or bathes Ben by himself). I don't think I could do this alone, and I'm glad that I don't have to. I'm a little disappointed that we don't have more family in the area to watch him sometimes, but we do what we can. Some days, like yesterday when I ate Rice Krispie Treat after Rice Krispie Treat and didn't know if I would make it through today, are rough. But, then, so far, every time I've been able to get up and do all of my work, and it has been okay. It will be okay. We will get through the daily routine of cleansing and vacuuming and moisturizing and feeding and changing and watching and nursing and then all over again and again and again until he's walking then driving and we won't remember, or, if we do, we will have romanticized the toughness and the temptation to think How on earth will I do this? Can I make it today? And we will make it because we have to. A little one depends on us.

He's a Doll

When I think back over the last few months, I can see that, in many ways, we've been lucky. We haven't had to call his doctor many times with emergencies. The exception was the one day he threw up and I couldn't figure out why, but, a few hours later, he was fine. Eczema has been frustrating, but, as his doctor pointed out, there are worse things.

Trying to control eczema without steroids was frustrating, but I was given so much contradictory advice. His doctor didn't think he needed them, but I can see now that we should have used them much, much, much sooner. The first dermatologist gave him steroids only, and that's not really a good long term plan for managing eczema.

I read somewhere that uncontrolled eczema can flare up without much reason. So, now, finally, it seems like we have this under control. He's not all red everywhere. He's not covered in rashes. Now, when we take him out, people don't say, "Oh, can't you do something about that rash?"
Instead, it's, "Oh, he's a doll." I feel like sometimes that we've been so caught up in managing these issues that we haven't or at least I haven't been able to enjoy him being a baby. On June 2, Ben will be eight months old. Probably five of those months have involved struggling and battling with eczema. Now, it seems like we have a good routine going.

Put Cerave on him with every diaper change. Put Epicream Barrier Cream on him two-two three times a day. During flareups, use Desonide Steroid Cream. Bathe him daily, usually just after dinner, though this can be adjusted. Use Niz Prescription Shampoo. If he's having a flareup, apply Elocon or Elotone (Ben's sleeping on me so I can't get up to check), to his head. Also, we, usually Jamie vacuums the upstairs daily, especially where he sleeps, and we wash his sheets 2-3 times a week. Yes, this leads to more laundry, but we haven't been buying cream after cream, lotion after lotion, hoping that something would work.

If you had asked me a year ago, I think I would have thought doing all of these things would be hard, but now they don't seem so hard. They just seem necessary. And, now that Ben's eczema seems to be under good control, we can just enjoy the little milestones of babyhood. He's crawling and teething and pulling himself up and then crying when he falls back down. He's smiling and laughing and chasing the dogs and seeing things he wants and going after them and getting mad when one of those things happens to be something that he can't have. He is, always has been, a good baby, and now his skin looks good as well.