Gluten Free Pizza

I did not have high hopes for the gluten-free pizza crust that we picked up at Nila Jo's, the health food store around here.

You have to make the dough yourself, which was the first problem. We're usually pressed for time, so, normally, if we make a pizza, we just use premade crust. As far as I know, there are no gluten-free premade crusts.

The pizza dough mix is made by Namaste Foods. It is called Gluten Free! Pizza Crust Mix and is made in facility that is free of gluten, wheat, soy, corn, potato, peanuts, tree nuts, dairy, casein.

Jamie made the pizza crust. But, first, he had to run to the store to get a pizza pan, tomato sauce, mozzarella, pepperoni, and he also got chorizo, just to try. Jamie had to grease the pizza pan, preheat the oven, combine the mix with oil and water and beat with an electric blender then smooth the batter onto the pan with a spatula. The directions said to cook the pizza crust for 20 minutes without toppings and 10-15 additional minutes with them.

The pizza exceeded my expectations. As Jamie said, "It tastes like regular pizza."

See for yourself above.

Precious Time

I've been away from Ben this week at a conference out of state. And I've taken advantage of this time in order to well, eat pizza. Yes, pizza and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and everything I can't have while I'm feeding Ben. My plan for the week is to pump and dump. Sometimes, pumping feels like such a pain, is such a pain.
I wonder if there will be a time where I will idealize the inconvenience of feeding, pumping and look back on this as precious time.
Sometimes I wonder if anything that we remember was wonderful was really wonderful. I'm sad to be away from Ben but also glad. Glad to be somewhere where his demands don't come first, at least not for a few days, and, yet, on the other hand, I miss him terribly. I do feel like only part of me is here.
I wake up and think where is my screaming, crawling, squawking baby?
In a few days, it will be back to scanning labels and limited diet, so I will try and enjoy the time while I can even if part of me wants to hold him and kiss him right now. When I get him back again, will another part of me want just as forcefully to be away from him, to be a woman who is other than mother, who is just myself.

Rush and Rush Until Life's No Fun

When I think about this past week, the lyrics from the Alabama song come to mind:


I'm in a hurry to get things done
Oh I rush and rush until life's no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But I'm in a hurry and don't know why.

Jamie's been gone, I've been trying to get my work done, and things have been chaotic.

Ben's eczema flareups have come and gone and come again. He gets dry patches. He gets red patches, but, at least, he's mostly not itching.

We use his prescription shampoo and Cerave cleanser to bathe him daily. We use his steroid cream in the morning on days he needs it. Two or three times a day we use Epicream, a prescription cream, and the rest of the day, it's Cerave with every diaper change. We vacuum his room daily, bathe him daily, try to get the food that he smears off of his face off.

Things have been so hectic. One night just flows into the next. All of this has made me appreciate having Jamie's help. Usually, he stays up with Ben at night and vacuums the rooms and helps (or bathes Ben by himself). I don't think I could do this alone, and I'm glad that I don't have to. I'm a little disappointed that we don't have more family in the area to watch him sometimes, but we do what we can. Some days, like yesterday when I ate Rice Krispie Treat after Rice Krispie Treat and didn't know if I would make it through today, are rough. But, then, so far, every time I've been able to get up and do all of my work, and it has been okay. It will be okay. We will get through the daily routine of cleansing and vacuuming and moisturizing and feeding and changing and watching and nursing and then all over again and again and again until he's walking then driving and we won't remember, or, if we do, we will have romanticized the toughness and the temptation to think How on earth will I do this? Can I make it today? And we will make it because we have to. A little one depends on us.